Cherry Pie

Bye bye Miss American Pie. John hummed the tune as he baked. He was creating a pie to feed an army, stuffed with all the good, and bad, things that were currently making America great. He had a reputation to live up to. Although he was just a lowly under the under pastry chef, not trusted to show initiative due to his autism which sadly had not been cured as promised when his disability pension was taken away, he could still bake a mean cherry pie.

That morning, when he had lost himself in the depths of the huge pantry which fed the lack of principles amongst the principals who were currently occupying the new, shiny ballroom upstairs, he had been unable to find any cherries. Despite his neuro-diversity, John knew the cherry picking season was short and some months away but usually there was a plentiful supply of the fruit, preserved, labelled and dated, labels facing outwards just as he was supposed to like it. Today there was nothing, nada. Someone had stolen all the cherries. John perused the shelves, climbing ladders, reaching right to the back. He found apples but that seemed too, well, representative of the America he had been born into. The America that no longer existed. So no, not apples. 

John realised he was going to have to get creative. Luckily, he had plenty of time before the feast. He began to silently prowl corridors, peering into cupboards, opening drawers, descending into basements. He found a gun or two, some bullets, an unsigned order for the destruction of yet another prestigious university. He unearthed a dusty MAGA baseball cap with I heart Charlie above the peak, an unfinished letter to the UN, a dear John if you will, resigning America's membership and several empty Tylenol containers. He took the ingredients down to the vast subterranean kitchens, designed to feed the fat faces of MAGA royalty. He added some Florida swamp juice, soured by the blood of immigrants yet sweetened with crocodile tears. 

John kneaded pastry, flour up to his elbows, put all the ingredients into a super blender, made in China of course, and set to work. He couldn't wait to see how it turned out.